On the surface it seems an odd idea that you could actually be anything other than who you really are. But from the time we can talk, we’re being programmed to “fit in”. We find ourselves conforming in order to please the people we look up to, want to be, or even those we love, and who love us.
But sometimes that means that you have to suppress what you know is the real person inside.
And yet, your relationship with yourself is the most important relationship you’ll ever have. Without a healthy relationship with yourself, it’s practically impossible to have healthy relationships with anyone else and life a life that feels fulfilling to you.
If you’re ready to get reacquainted with someone you haven’t seen in a while – yourself – start with these 4 ideas to help you rediscover the real you.
Quiet the inner critic in your head
You know those voices well, the ones that are constantly telling you you’re a failure, that you’re not good enough, and the various other critical things we hear our inner voice tell us. With all that BS going on in our heads, it’s no wonder why we feel negative, less confident, and unmotivated. How do you get rid of them? By changing the way that voice talks to you by literally changing the voice. Think about what you hear when your inner critic give you advice. What does that voice sound like? Is the voice close to you or far away?
Next, make that voice into something funny, like a cartoon voice or like someone whose breathed helium out of a balloon. Then move the voice away from you so it sounds like it’s far away. Now that you’ve changed the voice to sound less like you and farther away, it has less of a hold on you. Your mind will put less clout on what it is saying.
Practice thinking about yourself in healthy ways
In order to do that, you must first believe that you are valuable, and your Real Self has something to offer the world. Since you talk to yourself more than everyone else in your life combined –that’s a lot of talk!—it’s up to YOU to establish healthy communication in your thinking.
Consciously listen to how you talk to yourself; write down the unhealthy things you say; challenge them; and replace them with facts. Make sure they’re not just the opposite of what you are thinking. Self-Talk: “You never do anything right.” Challenge: “Of course I do things right. I did (example) right. I did (example) right. This time, I just made a mistake. Mistakes are not a bad thing, I’ll learn from it and have better success next time.”
Listen to your heart
Sounds easy enough, but by the time we’re adults, most of us have stopped listening to our hearts and go only with our heads. Those two must reconnect in order to find your real self. It’s easy to become accustomed to thinking about your feelings instead of really feeling them. Instead of asking yourself what you think about something, ask yourself why it’s important.
Be careful not to get hung-up on a specific goal
What you’re really after is a feeling — respect, love, appreciation – as opposed to the check, ribbon, buckle, or a great guy/girl. Keep an open mind to the feelings, and be willing to adjust the methods you use to achieve them. Determine not just your goals, but how it satisfies who you really are and where you want to be. Your “why” behind your goals will keep you going long after motivation and will power have waned. The mask will come off and your real self will come shining through.
A person you can know and love – you! – is waiting for you to take the time to listen and understand and accept. When you make time for and accept your Real Self again, you’ll make smarter choices, and those choices will stick because they actually fit who you are. Now, that’s what you’re really looking for, isn’t it?